Hawkeyeone's Apology- PLEASE POST ON SMBX.ORG

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Hawkeyeone's Apology- PLEASE POST ON SMBX.ORG

PostPosted by Hawkeyeone » Wed Mar 11, 2015 2:48 pm

Hello, this is Hawkeyeone.

Lately, change has been discussed a lot in the community, which doesn't seem like such a bad idea long as we do not take the steps that have failed us in the past, which is a natural fault of human nature. However, before we can change the community, we must change ourselves. And I've started to think about what I've done. Yes, this is a special apology from me in hopes that you'll will forgive me and I may someday soon come into this community again.

Here's the thing- sometimes people will ask me something along the lines of "why do you think you should be unbanned" and one of the first things I'll bring up is "It's been 6 months!!!". One common misconception is that people will think I think I should be unbanned because time has passed. That's not true... It's not the time itself, but much rather, what I think about, has happened in that time.

Let's go back to the day I was banned, August 23(or 22, not sure)... I was feeling pretty good about myself, just got a milkshake from the local icecream shop and... 2 downreps. Remember when Joey said he removed the rep system because some people weren't ready for it? I wasn't ready for it at all, hence the big breakdown all of you remember... I couldn't help it though. I do agree I really should've thought through it, but my life on this forum was dangerously downhill at the time. Looking back I was kind of a dick to others at the time, though I didn't really sense it. Why? Nobody helped me... I don't blame them, I was really weird, but I constantly cried about my future online status, so yeah... This meltdown was a combination of the anger and sadness that had been inside of me all this time.

But yeah, you all know the story... I posted a leaving topic that criticized everyone I ever knew(which I also put in my signature, holy fuck what was wrong with me), and at the end, said "YOU PEOPLE SUCK. I'M LEAVING. PROVE ME WRONG AND I'LL COME BACK."

Yes, this is the point where I got banned, and I tried to foolishly ignore it all and leave without a plan. A day later, Eiolin invited me over for a party and I made a new account with his IP, called Silent, and sent a PM to the mods about me and Eiolin's distain with SMBX.org and everyone there. I'm not sure how many of the mods
saw that, but it was sent to all of them. The two ones that were replied were Ignoritus and Darkmatt... I don't remember what I said, but I turned to Darkmatt for stuff, which I regret doing as he was very impatient and grumpy of all the PMs I sent him, but I only have myself to blame for that, as I did it rather constantly(and in case you want my thoughts on Darkmatt's apology, I forgive him with all my heart in the hope that he will be more friendly to others). He banned Silent about a week later, which lead me to think of new ways to get back after this... I did not think twice to hold myself back and went headfirst into ban-evading the IRC and constantly pressuring the staff. I felt like I had to get my account unbanned; I didn't feel good about anything, because I had been in this community for such a long time.

In late August, I joined ForestofIllusion, in my search for an SMBX.org-like forum. Activity is one of my most favorite things in the world, typical for an american, but FoI didn't have a lot of it. I still hung on to it though, because it was the best thing I had, which taught me to be more thankful than I ever had been before.

One of my comics that was originally posted here, Mewtwo's Pizzamobile, was critically acclaimed by practically everyone who commented on the episode and was the first step on the road to becoming less sour than I once was, however...

Those comments didn't come until I posted it on NSMBX, which I joined when it reopened in late October.

Truth to be told, I'm a bit surprised that NSMBX was reopened, and I quickly became a prominent user on the forum. Knux was banned from SMBX.org, joined NSMBX, and ended up badmouthing about it there, which made me think about SMBX.org again, but I decided to wait a while longer... And it happened. The rep system was eventually removed and as various people started talking about change in the community(Ragont, Magma) I came back to my status on this site.

Most of the things that made me rage are no longer there, But it doesn't matter. I've moved on from petty stuff like that.

It's not what it is, it's what makes it matter what it is. I've moved on from what I was like long ago. I just hope all of you understand... Maybe I just needed a break, and so in that case I feel like it's time to come back to the forum. After all, would I have written something like this in August?

Someone please post this on SMBX.org, after it is I will delete this.
"It is perfectly human to understand what you did wrong and apologize for it as a gesture of good faith against those you had to fight with. It's called showing respect." ~Darkmatt
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Hawkeyeone
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Re: Hawkeyeone's Apology- PLEASE POST ON SMBX.ORG

PostPosted by XerX » Wed Mar 11, 2015 3:58 pm

If you wanted this posted on SMBX.org, you could have PM'ed someone and asked them instead of making a topic just to have it locked in the end.
XerX
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